Living up to your own expectations

Your business is doing what is important.

Every morning I go through a ritual.

I have a handful of journals I keep daily, and included in this is a Bible journal—I’m currently going through the Gospels, one by one. But another is a Philosophy journal, for which I read something from one of the many books on philosophy currently occupying space on my desk, and then write half a page about whatever comes to mind about it.

Right now, I’m going through Meditations, the writings of Marcus Aurelius. This collection is pretty popular right now, as there’s a kind of movement toward embracing stoicism among the entrepreneur set. And I’ll cop to the fact that I was inspired to read Meditations by Ryan Holiday.

There’s something kind of interesting about exploring the Gospels and the teachings of Christ alongside the work of the stoic emperor, digging through both side by side, seeing parallels and commonalities between the two. Marcus came from a polytheistic culture, but his stoic leanings had him talking about the concept of logos in such a way that you could easily confuse him with being Christian. It’s kind of uncanny.

Today’s reading in Meditations is from Book 7:58, which is actually one of the longer entries from Marcus. Most of his writing was short and sweet, encapsulating some philosophical notion or idea in just a few words. In fact, most of the writings of Marcus read as self-talk, with Marcus trying to remind himself to think this way, behave that way, to let this go and to consider adding that to his own life and behavior.

The writing in Meditations was never meant to be read by anyone but Marcus, by the way. These were private journals. They were a place for him to put down and explore thoughts, to shape his own thinking , to make himself a better man and a better ruler.

This is exactly why I am such an advocate of journaling. The greatest minds in history used journaling in this way, as a safe place to explore their own ethics, morality, and integrity. It’s why I keep journals of my own, writing every single day in an exploration of “Kevin.” Maybe, someday, someone will read these journals. Maybe they’ll judge me harshly for a time. But then, maybe they’ll see me grow, and perhaps even grow with me.

A writer can dream.

But in Book 7:58 of Meditations, Marcus wrote a couple of ideas that struck me as profound. So much so that I’m incorporating them in my own sense of self.

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Here’s the passage, in its entirety, with the parts that really resonated with me highlighted and emphasized:

In all that happens, keep before you eyes those who experienced it before you, and felt shock and outrage and resentment at it.

And now where are they? Nowhere.

Is that what you want to be like? Instead of avoiding all these distracting assaults—leaving the alarms and flight to others—and concentrating on what you can do with it all?

Because you can use it, treat it as raw material. Just pay attention, and resolve to live up to your own expectations. In everything.

And when faced with a choice, remember: our business is with things that really matter.

Those emphasized lines really thrummed for me. That idea of using everything you experience as raw material, that’s a core part of how I think. It’s the way I really want to be, in the end. The system of life I want to embrace.

But that next bit—resolve to live up to your own expectations—that’s simply a call to action for me. For everyone, I think. And it’s one I think we can’t ignore.

First, it necessitates that we have expectations for ourselves and our lives. And do we? Shouldn’t we?

I’ve talked before about the fact that we are not obligated to live up to the expectations that others have for us. But in our own lives, it’s our expectations for ourselves that matters. Really matters.

They should be intentional. They should be just. They should be honest.

Our expectations for ourselves should include this present moment and our future. And we should not let ourselves off of the hook. We have an obligation to ourselves to behave in accordance with our personal integrity. Our expectations must be met, if we are to be ourselves. Our real and true and genuine selves depend on it.

And finally, there’s that final business. That last plunge of the dagger of wisdom—the final line of this section that I find absolutely convicting:

Our business is with things that really matter.

We spend so much of our time dealing with the useless, the pointless, the trivial. I once allowed myself to stay on hold for over two hours so that I could complain about an internet outage. The kind of thing that literally resolves itself in time, with or without my complaining. Why would I do that?

I wasn’t living up to my own expectations, that’s why. I wasn’t committed to my business, which is with things that really matter.

Hug your spouse. Kiss your grandkids. Read that book that makes your heart happy. Take a walk and drink lots of water. Have deep, long conversations with your high school friend. Pet your dog and give your cat a scratch.

You need to determine, right now, what expectations you have on your life, for your life. And you need to commit to this business of doing what’s really important. Live up to your own expectations. It’s the law of you.