The World’s Worst Husband
(Or maybe just average)
I don’t know when you are reading this, but I am writing it on Valentine’s Day, 2025. I am absolutely certain of the date and its significance. Because about three hours before I sat down to write this post, I found a bright red envelope leaning against the kettle, with my name written in familiar handwriting.
Inside was the world’s most appropriate Valentine’s Day card:
As I have stated elsewhere, repeated, Kara knows the hell out of me. If I have a spirit animal at all, it is Ron Swanson. We are kindred.
Ok... so... the thing is... I totally forgot about Valentine’s Day.
It’s been kind of busy lately. Excuse number one. And I’ve been juggling some new ventures. Thursdays are “production days,” too, so I had podcasts and interviews and calls. All Very Important Stuff (TM).
And Kara and I hadn’t discussed doing anything for Valentine’s Day. Excuse number two. No plans. No mentions. Nothing, honestly. We’re both kind of busy at the moment. See excuse number one.
Still... Kara is a thoughtful person. She’s considerate. And dammit, she got me with this one. Touché, my love. You win. This round.
So, in the face of defeat, I fell back on the time-honored tradition of terrible husbands—I made the Grocery Store Run of Shame.
Here in Texas, we have a chain of stores called HEB. They’re ubiquitous. And, thankfully, there is one only four minutes from my house. So, me being clever and resourceful (on top of being the worst husband in the world), I snuck out (after making the coffee) and zipped over to see what I could salvage of my honor.
Turns out, though, that I’m not actually a terrible husband after all. Turns out, in fact, that I am merely average. Because I was just one of dozens of guys, wandering among the pilfered tables of flowers, the picked over aisle of cards, the mostly empty coolers of Valentine-themed treats.
I was one among dozens of guys, all avoiding eye contact with each other, like we were all meandering about in an adult novelty shop. The air was thick with shame and desperation.
I’m not a fan of the last minute gift-buying, card-buying thing. I don’t like being the guy who forgot. True, Valentine’s Day has never really been a big deal for the Tumlinsons. But we’ve always at least observed it.
Things happen. Mistakes are made. Holidays are forgotten.
I did end up getting her a little something. Treats, mostly. A cute little planter that looks like a Vespa, with a flower growing out of it. I got a tiny bit creative in my presentation.
But my real gift to Kara is this post. Wherein I confess that I blew it.
Happy Valentine’s Day, my love. Enjoy the treats.
A NOTE AT THE END
I’m really kind of terrible about all “special days,” to be honest. I buy lousy gifts. I’m terrible at wrapping, and make no effort other than get better. I reuse gift bags and ribbons. I think gift cards are the perfect present.
The way I show my love and affection is by doing things for you. I don’t even need much recognition. Every morning I unload the dishwasher and make the coffee. Every evening I load the dishwasher and take the dog out to pee. Things like that. Consistent, reliable, quiet about it. Quality service.
But I get it. Sometimes it’s nice for you to go the extra mile. Sometimes you want your loved one to put in a little more effort. Totally reasonable.
I’ll do my best. But I mean... there are so many dishes…
My wife and best friend of 40 years died Feb 10 2021 and her outt
memorial service was the 14th, Valentine's Day. I'm so grateful that 4 hours before she died of a comletely unexpected heart attack, we were holding hands by the lake. We never went out without holding hands. A small thing, but meant a lot. 4 years later, I still remind people, "Hold hands while you can". ❤️❤️
Find out what here "love language" is. There are 5 of them. Yours is obviously Service for number one. If hers is service, too, then you are golden. If hers is gifts...you need to work on it. It helped me and hubby, because our order of the 5 is pretty much opposite, with #3 being the same. So, he tries to do some of my 1s and 2s, and I try to do some of his 1s and 2s. And we both realize that we are trying our best.